Home Sweet Home

On July 12, 2014, 20 months ago, I officially announced my move to Nashville, Tennessee. Not only was I breaking this news to my social media family, but that day began my journey of selling the low-income condominium I owned in Bedminster, New Jersey.

When I weighed the pro's & con's of moving, selling my condo was high on my con list. I really had nothing else holding me back, other than leaving my friends & family. I knew it would be a challenge to sell it, but I never thought it would be this much of a process.

The way it works with low-income housing is that for the first six months the homeowner has to try & sell their unit on their own, or with the township's help if there is a waiting list (which, in my case, there was not). After that six months, the owner may bring in a Realtor to help. Meanwhile, renting the condo is not a legal option.

Without going into much more detail, I had Realtor issues (but the one I ended up with was great!), township setbacks, buyer setbacks, & many other bumps along the road. Not only was it frustrating to go through this process while living out of state, causing me to rely heavily on family to take care of things, but it was extremely financially trying. By God's grace and a little help along the way, I have managed.

All of this to say... **drum roll please**

As of today, March 17, 2016... I HAVE CLOSED ON THE SALE OF MY NJ CONDO!!!

This, of course, is huge news. It was getting to the point where I considered moving back due to the financial stress. But honestly? I really didn't want to. I love it here- so much! I dreamed of moving here most of my life. And the thing about dreams is- sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes they don't work out the way one envisions. Though I tried not to have high expectations when moving, I knew there was still a chance that I'd be disappointed. But I'm not. I'm thrilled that this dream is working itself out in a great way. And now I don't have to leave it! :) 

Selling this condo was the last piece of my move. It's the end of a major chapter of my life. To be honest, there's a little part of me that is sad it's over. But I don't think that will last long. Because now with a month left of my 20's & more freedom to explore my life here, I can't wait to see what the future holds. :)

Finally, thank you to everyone who prayed for, supported, & helped me throughout this condo selling process! Specifically to my Mom, Dad, Mark, Laura, Rudy, & Kathleen. Y'all have been amazing. Thank you for helping me fulfill a lifelong dream. :)

Saying goodbye to 2015...

2015. Wow… what a year!

2015 was my first full year living in Tennessee, but I almost can’t even call it that. I spent a total of 4 months out of state which included 3 separate trips, a total of 11 weeks, in Miami, 3 separate weeks in New Jersey, 2 weeks in Atlanta, and 1 week at Disney World. I love to travel & this year did not change that. It was a BLAST!! :)

In between those trips was my chance to really create a life & community here. It was HARD. I wasn’t able to join a weekly small group because of my schedule. In June, I went to an interest meeting at my church, Cross Point Community Church, to see if & how I could get more involved- specifically, on the worship team. Those who know me, know my heart & passion for singing & leading worship. This meeting began a pretty long audition process. I submitted an application in July, attended a worship team interest meeting in August, & heard in September that there were 120 singers in line to audition so they were changing the process to video auditions. They developed this in October & the videos were due November 11^th. I got mine in just under the wire due to my Grandma’s passing which twisted my schedule up a bit. In fact, I wasn’t sure if I submitted it in time, until two weeks ago when I received an email that I got callbacks for a live audition! That date is still TBD but I am so excited for this opportunity to be back doing what I love! I truly believe God’s timing is perfect, and if I don’t make it on the team, then I trust Him to open a different door. Stay tuned! :)

Worship team aside, God has brought some pretty amazing girlfriends into my life this year. While volunteering with Compassion International at the Outcry concert in July, I made a new friend, Jade, who was literally my God sent. Jade also attended Cross Point & invited me to a women’s group that had just started meeting but was growing like crazy. It met once a month on a Tuesday night—such a perfect fit for my schedule! Getting one Tuesday night off a month was MUCH easier than a weekly small group. Not only did this group fit my schedule, but it fit my life. This group is full of women from all ages & walks of life. From college aged to middle aged & up, single, married, divorced, kids, no kids- you name it- she’s there. And many of the girls in this group moved here anywhere from a few months to a few years ago & are looking for that community, too. It’s been amazing & I am so thankful God used Jade to bring me there. :)

On an even more serious note, the last few years have been very life-changing and defining for different reasons such as career advancements, first move out of my house, then out of state, and many others. Somewhere along the way, wounds from my past really began to show & I honestly did not handle it well. I found myself on an uncomfortable journey of trying to fill & heal those wounds with some pretty crappy bandages- until this past summer. I had enough. Another bandage fell off & I was left with open wounds that I decided to face. I laid it all down, threw my hands in surrender, & asked Jesus for help. This made for some pretty vulnerable, tiring, & difficult months from about August through October. I am thankful for those of you close to me who held my hand through that. Also thankful for one of the best therapists I have ever seen and for my comfortable bed. I learned that just like when you have a surgery, when you go through a lot of emotional healing it can physically take a toll on you. I was SO tired for a while there. I even fell asleep in the office at work one night in Atlanta! lol! The managers must have thought I was out partying all night but I can honestly say that was far from the case. And now, I am SO excited to say that Jesus has healed my wounds like no crappy bandage could, and I am forever changed! :)

The last major point I want to touch on from 2015 has been the difficulty of selling my NJ condo. I don’t want to bore you with the trying details, so I will skip that to focus on the good. I have a buyer!! We finished Attorney review on Christmas Eve- what a great Christmas present! We are looking at a February closing- over 18 months since I first started trying to sell it. A big thank you goes to my step-brother & lawyer, Rudy. I probably wouldn’t be in the place I am if it weren’t for him. Thank you, Rudy! :)

As you can probably tell, I am very excited for 2016. I don’t really see a stop coming to my life-changing years as I have some exciting plans ahead! There will be more on that in the months to come. As for now, I am soaking in all that God has done. To say “I’m grateful” doesn’t even seem sufficient. But I am. Immensely.

2016… Let’s do this. :)

Monthly blessings...

Once I decided to move, I kind of expected that missing friends & family was going to be one of the hardest parts of the change. And while it has not been a walk in the park, I'm grateful that it has not been as hard as I sometimes imagined it could have been. I owe a great deal of thanks for this to social media & cell phones.

That aside, I began to notice a pattern. Just about every month since my move, I have seen & spent time with someone from my "pre-move" life who does not live here. And maybe this is me overspiritualizing it- but I honestly believe it is God blessing my relational, sentimental heart out of his love for me. I could be wrong. It could be coincidental. But thanking God for each opportunity of time spent with them is where my heart naturally goes anyway.

Here's a recap of the last 9 months seeing "pre-move" friends...

October & November- my former STAR Baker from my last restaurant in NJ came down to train our bakers at our opening as well as my former Area Field Training Manager & a few other trainers/transfers that I had known from working for The Cheesecake Factory.
December- A manager I had worked with for over a year who became like a brother to me and was pivotal in my development as a manager, was visiting Nashville & we were able to hang out downtown together one night.
January- I went home to Jersey to see friends & fam.
February- Upon getting asked to support South Florida, the day I arrived in Ft Laurderdale- my dad, his wife, my uncle & his girlfriend were all in town & I was able to have dinner with them for just that night.
March- my former STAR host at my last restaurant in NJ was in Florida with her boyfriend & came to see me at the Cheesecake I was supporting. My friend from the Wintersong Band & his wife who live in Miami took me out to dinner downtown.
April- drove to my cousin's house outside of Tampa, FL for Easter. Back in Tennessee, some of my best friends came to visit me in Nashville for a few days.
May- upon getting asked to go back to Florida, I was able to meet up with one of my best friends for lunch as he was down for a conference. (ok this one was technically the last day in April but we're calling it May) ;)
June- Back in Tennessee, my cousin was in town with work & I met him in downtown Nashville for a night.

Moving forward- I have plans for the next four months to see different friends & family which takes me past the one year anniversary of my move.

Will this trend continue after that? I think it would be awesome if it did! But I don't know how likely that is. Even if it doesn't, I will never forget my first year in Nashville- receiving my monthly visitor blessing that I often never even planned.

Thank you, Jesus. :)

Learning as I go...

I've made a lot of mistakes in my 20's. I guess that's a popular time to make them. Today's "coming of age" seems to be a little later in life. Because of my conservative, legalistic, & religious background- it had been ingrained in me to be good. And if I wasn't good- I sure as hell didn't want anyone to know about it. Then there's the side of me that was growing & learning who I was & who I wanted to be.. so I was trying my hardest to grow away from some of the conservative, legalistic side. And yes, I took it too far sometimes. But I was learning to embrace grace. To admit faults & know that my mistakes were covered.

Then there were some mistakes that just seemed too deep. Too much. Too dark to admit to the world around me.

I found myself fighting and I just could not win on my own, though I tried many times. When the opportunity came up to move to Tennessee with my job, I weighed the pro's & con's. An area of the country I have ALWAYS wanted to live, not much holding me back.. the usual reasons that loved ones knew about. What they didn't know- was that this was also a way I could see to start fresh. To know that I can't run away from my problems- but I can give myself a second chance at starting over.

So I took it.

One month before I was set to move I was offered a chance, with my job, to stay. Wow- all of the scary parts of moving were gone for that moment. A possible promotion with my job that I think I would love & excel at. I wouldn't have to sell my condo. I wouldn't have to find new friends. But I was worried that I would not have the strength to walk away from my already destructive path if I stayed. I remember sharing the news of the possible promotion with my Dad. Without skipping a beat, he said that for some reason he felt like this was the enemy- that God was leading me to Nashville. To be honest, part of his words sounded comical to me. Why would Satan be behind me staying in Jersey?! But deep down I knew, my Dad was spot on. I knew I could not pursue the chance to stay. I had to go. And it was the best decision I could have made for myself.

It was a new beginning.

With this fresh start came a cost. I left my friends & family. I'm paying double on my housing bills right now. I'm working in a brand new restaurant that has many kinks to still work out. I'm alone, working hard, & living on a very tight budget. But every time these things get me down, I remember that it is still all worth it.

Maybe this wasn't the only way to start new. Maybe if I had found the courage to share my struggles with some close ones around me at the time- that they could've helped me through it without having to move. But fear got the best of me. I didn't know how to open up about it. And this is the path I chose. Honestly though, I'm happy with my path. I got a whole new adventure out of it. I'm still learning about myself. As my best friend put it to me recently- I'm a different Bethany than I was when she met me 8 years ago... but I'm who I'm supposed to be. I'm discovering who I was created to be. And it's a beautiful, messy journey that I'm embracing with open arms.

Blah, Blah, Blah...

I'm a wordy girl. I don't consider myself a writer by any means. You will undoubtedly see grammar mistakes & grammar rules knowingly broken but that's not the point of this. I just enjoy conveying myself in written form. In the past, I have blogged on myspace (yes, myspace... if anyone remembers that site) & Facebook notes which aren't seen as much anymore. I have no idea if this is one of those things that I'll be starting & never really follow through on or if I'll keep at it. Will I even have time to? Will I want to? I don't know, but I don't really care either way. The last thing I need is unnecessary pressure on myself.

It's just that there are times when I really want to share more than a 140 character Tweet or a Facebook status. I'm not looking for a following. I'm just looking to share my heart. Feel free to read along if you'd like.